“The cheater is to blame – no one else. Unless the girlfriend has a particularly large vagina – then it’s her fault.”

I had a best friend once. We proceeded to make each others lives a living hell when a boy managed to trick us both. Out of the whole weird, awkward and totally wrong situation – he was the only one who had been consciously lying, deceiving and hurting. But we didn’t even really blink an eyelid at him. Instead, we attacked each other.

If it was only me, and only her, and our stupidity only existed in a vacuum then it would (at some point) end up being a funny story to shake our heads and laugh at. But our stupidity doesn’t only exist in a vacuum. It’s sucked up the whole world.

“He cheated on me, but I blame her – the bitch.”

We always do.

It’s like we got sucked into believing this “blue balls” theory. Poor things, poor fragile men. Their balls will turn blue and fall off if not routinely emptied. Poor, poor fragile men. They can’t control themselves.

It depends where the loyalty lies, really. If the girl is your best friend, your sister, your mum (hey, you never know!) then fine, bitch it is. If it’s some random chick – it isn’t really her problem. It’s his. And yours.

There are women like this (click here) who wouldn’t even flinch (in fact, they often pride themselves) on stealing/attempting to steal/getting it on with another woman’s boyfriend. Is it their problem if the man succumbs? No. Sure what they’re doing may be morally despicable behaviour but do they owe you anything? No.

Does he is the more important question. Despite the fact that men would like women to think that their penis is their second (often more active) brain… and despite the fact that believing that may make men less accountable for their actions… They are not salivating animals. And to think that they are is not doing justice either to them or to yourself or to the human race.

Out of the random chick on the street and the guy you share a bed and a life with – which of the two is supposed to be more loyal to you?

You could perhaps try fumble in your pack of cards for the ‘girl power’ or the ‘let’s stick together as human beings of the same sex’ card. But a lot of the time that card isn’t in the deck, home gurllll *clicks fingers.*

Cue the hair pulling and the bitch slapping. And the man who sits back and breathes a sigh of relief at the fact that he’s been let off the hook. Phew. Didn’t even need to whip out the second brain to do the talking for him. It’s almost like the girl thinks that her boyfriend is perfect and was just unfortunately taken advantage of by the evil other woman. The myth is so entrenched he didn’t even need to reach for the zipper.

Who’s the bitch, now?

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3 thoughts on ““The cheater is to blame – no one else. Unless the girlfriend has a particularly large vagina – then it’s her fault.”

  1. Well, I do think there is a side to the argument that you’re playing down a lot there. A lot of things in life (not just male-female chemistry or matters of the heart) tend to prove time and time again that you don’t tempt the snake then complain about getting bitten. There are plenty of boundaries that I’ve seen grown men and women cross repeatedly under a platonic (and good intentioned) pretense and then wonder “how did that happen?” Fact is we’re all chemistry and there are plenty of logical fact-based arguments against monogamy.

    Nonethless, I really don’t think I’d be motivated to function and do what I do if I lost belief in loyalty and one-to-one lifetime relationships. It is possible but my experience has shown me, to stay loyal to the person you’re committed to, you have to actually like each other more than anything else. You have to be better friends than anybody out there, and yes being in love is a nice (and pretty important) bonus thrown on top. A lot of people treat is as if love is the thing that seals the deal. But try adding sharing taxes, spiritual commitments, emotional and other ties over and above simply sharing a bed… and then they shy away from sharing their doubts and fears with the other person. The saying i try and remember is “Fact 1. Most relationships that start in a bar end in tears. Fact 2. Most relationships end in tears”. There’s a stage in life where we think that we’ll find someone we love that will protect us from them making mistakes and hurting us and vice-versa, and then there’s the stage beyond that where we find enough character to see that the people we love will go on unintentionally hurting us either way and accept each other for who we are.

    Interesting opinion from you as always!

    Sean.

    • Thanks for taking the time to read and comment (as always) Sean 🙂

      Your insight in the second paragraph was really interesting to read and completed the cycle of a few things I was also beginning to think. Needed to read – “There’s a stage in life where we think that we’ll find someone we love that will protect us from them making mistakes and hurting us and vice-versa, and then there’s the stage beyond that where we find enough character to see that the people we love will go on unintentionally hurting us either way and accept each other for who we are.”
      – So thanks!

      Best,
      Alya x

  2. Yeah I think we’ve all been through that lesson! Only just recently learnt it myself and it’s tough but enlightening. I guess we’re getting old hahaha.
    All the best! Sean

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