Why Love Doesn’t Always Suck.

It was my grandparents 58 year anniversary a few days ago. 58 YEARS!

I remember I used to gaze at them in wonder, contemplating how on earth they could stand to look in each others faces every day for all that time. It wasn’t just the fact that they were looking, but the manner in which they did. – the expressions of admiration that were still there all those years and months later.

I recently stumbled upon what I believe to be the best description of love. If only I had written it myself. Thought Catalogue provided an an amazing, goosebump rendering, smile inducing definition of love.

“Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.”

But…

“Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.” is a tiny portion of what they wrote.

It’s true. For so long I vied away from love because I imagined it to be black hole of a tornado that sucked out all the good in you and left you empty, needing, and needy. That’s the bad kind of love. The kind that led me to write this.

“TV shows and movies foster this belief. The floods of tears and long, overdrawn speeches of what they tell you is passion simply continue the cycle. They suggest that dignity does not exist in true love. Pain and sacrifice are directly linked and cannot be separated from it. And although I’d never suggest that it’s supposed to be all rainbows, butterflies and smiles – self respect should be, non negotiable.” I was compelled to write in ‘Want to meet the love of your life, look in the mirror.’

And regardless of how long it’s been since I wrote that, I still stand firm in the belief that if you love yourself first, and more, that will give you the capacity to love the other person in a healthy way. My boyfriend gets upset when I say “the longest relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself” – But I believe that acknowledging that fact is what makes love healthy. It prevents you from sacrificing yourself and then hating yourself for it at a later date. It stops you from forgetting the person they fell in love with.

But once you love yourself, love doesn’t always suck. Love yourself first, and the rest of your life will fall into place. You’ll simply be adding numbers on to your happiness, instead of starting with a minus number and hoping that addition will save you and take you somewhere into the neutral zone.

They say a soulmate is someone who makes you be the most you that you can possibly be. It’s one of the biggest forces that will encourage you to better yourself.

It doesn’t suck if it’s the healthy kind.

Until it ends.
And then it sucks for a bit again.

“It is a risk to love.
But what if it doesn’t work out?
Ah, but what if it does. ”
― Peter McWilliams

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